The Wedding Present: The Bride price.
It is a great honour to be invited to a West African native culture wedding. They usually have a formal "American Style" wedding as well, but their cultural wedding is fascinating. First of all, there are still many "arranged" marriages, in which the marriage is actually arranged by the parents of the bride and groom. At the very least, the approval and agreement of both of the families is important on a level that to us would be considered extreme, so much so, that marriage without the blessing of both of the families would be considered almost out of the question. The wedding is considered an actual marriage of the two extended family groups. At this traditional wedding, the "bride price" is discussed, complete with an actual list of wedding costs, including such items as "the lifting of the veil" that also has its mutually agreed upon price. While, in the United States, the wedding might include "something borrowed, something blue", the West African 'traditional' wedding might actually include haggling and arguing over whether the groom has presented sufficient yams tubers, or bolts of cloth, or, a quantity of rice, etc. I have actually watched while the extended families, the uncles and aunts, cousins and other in-laws actually or pretend anger, argument, insult, ridicule, offers and counter-offers. If the quantity is not sufficient, often the groom's family will be pressured into leaving the facility and going after more items, until everyone is in agreement. While all of this is happening, the couple to be married usually has nothing to say or do about the argumentation involved in this process, but sit, embarrassed, perspiring, meek and mute, dressed in their elaborate and expensive flowing "regalia", while the extended families come to an agreement, after which time the dancing and celebration begins to the native drumming, including the popular "talking drums", played by professional drummers who often try to intimidate the guests into giving them a gift of money. They will approach anyone from whom they will extort money, by coming close and playing loud, until you give to them an amount acceptable to them. Many of the African languages are tonal, similar to our "do, re, mi". If the tone is not correct, the words will not be understood, and, in fact, may mean something else altogether. With the talking drum, language may sometimes be conveyed through the tone exclusively, and can convey language and meaning through the variations of intensity, speed and tone, alone. Sending message across long distances, through strategically placed loud drumming was possible not long ago.
As the couple dance, friends and well wishers dance up to the couple to be married, who are also dancing, and place money on the perspiring faces of the bride and groom, as a symbol of well wishing, that they will prosper and be blessed. Usually the attendants gather the money that has become stuck to the perspiring faces, so that more money can be given in the same manner. There is a unique West African hat that has flaps that come to a point on each side. The cap has a name, for example in the Yoruba language, which, when translated, means, "the ears of the dog". This hat is only worn on formal occasions, and with the agbada regalia.