MARRIAGE SEMINAR QUESTIONNAIRE
Do not put your name on this paper!
Your complete privacy is guaranteed. Thank you for participating. This is for research to assist couples enjoy marriage, as God intends. Thank you.
- How long have you been married?
- Are you a man or a woman?
- How much do you enjoy sex? Very much? Not much? I hate
(COMMENT: WE HAVE FOUND THAT THE MORE EXTENSIVELY A WOMAN HAS BEEN CIRCUMCISED, THE LESS SHE ENJOYS SEX. MOST AFRICAN MEN DO NOT KNOW MUCH ABOUT, NOR DO THEY CARE, IF THEIR WIFE HAS PLEASURE. MANY WOMEN WHO CANNOT CLIMAX, WILL ENJOY JUST BEING HELD AND PAID ATTENTION TO, IN SPITE OF THE FACT THAT THEY ARE NOT EXPERIENCING SEXUAL PLEASURE. ON THE OTHER HAND, SOME WOMEN ARE ABLE TO EXPERIENCE SEXUAL PLEASURE EVEN THOUGH SHE HAS BEEN CIRCUMCISED, BECAUSE THERE ARE ALSO OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY AND MIND THAT CAN BE SEXUALLY STIMULATED, EVEN TO THE POINT OF ORGASM.)
4. What percent of the time are you able to experience a climax, a peak, or orgasm?
(COMMENT: Again, there is a DIRECT correlation between her ability to experience pleasure, and the number of nerve endings that have been destroyed. This is a scientific fact, and is one that makes sense. It is exactly the same as your ability to taste, being diminished in direct proportion to the amount of your tongue and nose - your taste buds that have been destroyed, or your ability to see, the extent that your eyes have been damaged, to feel feeling the extent that your nerves in your hands have been cut off or damaged.)
5. How often do you have intercourse?
(COMMENT: The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 7:1-7 that the husband is to minister sexually to his wife ANY TIME the wife requests or desires it. It also states that the reason that she is to have a husband is so that she will not want to fornicate. The ONLY reason to abstain from sex is if BOTH the husband AND the wife agree to fast and pray for a short time, but that they are to come together again soon because of temptation.
There is not ANY other reason given for the withholding of sex on EITHER the wife's part OR the husband's part. This does not mean that fasting and sex cannot happen at the same time. Some have discovered that sex can be even more pleasurable during fasting.)
6. How often would you like to have sexual intercourse?
(COMMENT: Amazingly, the desire for sex is often as great on the part of the woman as the man, and sometimes more often. But again, many women enjoy having sex, not because of sexual pleasure, but because of the other emotional and psychological benefits, such as giving pleasure, being held, being appreciated, being told that they are loved, being shown affection and attention, etc.. FGM does NOT decrease a woman's sexual desire, only her ability to enjoy, like a starving person with his mouth sewed shut.)
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How often would your spouse like to have sex?
- (COMMENT: We once counseled a couple where the wife was complaining that all her husband thought about was I asked her how often they would have intercourse if they had sex every time her husband wanted to. She laughed and said, "Oh, about every 5 minutes!" I asked them how many times in their 10 years of marriage had they had sex 3 times in one day. The answer was, "Never". Then I asked them how often in those 10 years had they had sex 2 times in one day, and they said, "Oh, about 5 or 6 times." We then gave them an assignment, that they should go home, and have sex three times per day, every day of that coming week. The first day, they succeeded in having sex three times. The next day, the husband was too tired! The third day, the husband was too tired!! The reason that all her husband thought about was sex, was because she seldom ministered to him sexually as often as he desired sex, which would have been, on most days, less often than once a day.
8. Do you wish that your spouse was more skilled at sex?
(COMMENT: Almost without exception, EVERYONE, man AND woman, desires that their husband or wife knew more about sex.)
9. Do you wish that your spouse was more caring during sex?
(COMMENT: Almost without exception, EVERYONE, man AND woman, desires that their husband or wife was more caring during sex.)
10. If you are a man, do you have a problem with premature ejaculation, that is, climaxing or coming too quickly?
(COMMENT: Many men are having this problem because in the African culture, many of the men are not experiencing sex frequently enough so that when they do have sex, they climax right away. The culture has a taboo against sex during the menstruation period, and many couples abstain when there is danger of pregnancy. Therefore, many couples only have sex, once or twice in a month's time. Otherwise, if the man does not even care about the pleasure of the wife, it does not matter to him how quickly he climaxes, as he has given NO consideration of her pleasure. But the Bible says, "Husband, love your wife as you love your own body." If the husband loved his wife as much as he loves his own body, he will see to it that she also experiences as much pleasure in her body, as he himself does, in his own body. Even though I am 66 years old, my wife and I are experiencing as much pleasure as we always did, and I almost always see to it that she has her own pleasure and climax first, because I love her.)
11. If you are a man, do you have difficulty getting an erection?
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How often in the last 12 months, did your spouse tell you that he or she loves you?
(COMMENT: I know that it is not common for African people to tell each other that they love each other. But let me ask you a question: Does God want to be told that He is loved and appreciated??? Does God tell us that He loves and cares for us???) When the ten lepers were healed, and only one said 'Thank You!', Jesus asked, "Why didn't the other 9 say ‘Thank You'?" Jesus asked Peter 3 times whether or not he loved Jesus.)
13. Do you wish that your spouse told you that he or she loves you more?
(COMMENT: In spite of the African custom of not telling your wife that you love her, EVERY ONE, almost without exception, says that they wish that their spouse would tell them that they are loved and appreciated more. I believe that there was only one exception in all the years of this questionnaire.)
14. If you are a woman, have you been circumcised?
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How extensively?: a) partial removal of the clitoris, b) complete removal of the clitoris, c) a & b plus the removal of the inner lips, d) a & b & c plus the removal of the outer lips.
(Sometimes the entire area is scraped clean by crude and contaminated surgical instruments, broken glass, a rusty, filthy razor blade, etc. Tetanus, aids and other infections often causes great sickness and even death.)
16. Are you having sex with any other than your spouse?
(Sometimes, instead of curbing fornication or adultery, female circumcision actually contributes to it, because of the wife's diminished ability to experience pleasure. Thus, she may be motivated to seek multiple partners, in an effort to find a man more skilled in giving pleasure, not realizing that it is because her pleasure giving body parts have been stolen, that she is lacking pleasure and orgasm.)
17. Do you believe that it is wrong for the wife to ask her husband for sex?
(COMMENT: Again, contrary to the culture, the Bible, in 1 Corinthians 7:1-7 and other places, encourages and allows the wife to be just as aggressive, sexually, as the husband. There is nothing in the Bible that says that only the husband can initiate sex.)
18. Do you believe that birth control is morally acceptable?
(COMMENT: We must be led by the Holy Spirit in ALL things, at ALL times, and especially as to when to have a baby, and not leave pregnancy to haphazard "chance" or whimsical circumstance. There is nothing in the Bible that says that we should abstain from having sex to prevent having children. There is nothing in the Bible that teaches against birth control. On the contrary, 1 Corinthians 7:1-7 says that the husband and wife are to be available to each other at ALL TIMES! One African pastor once told me, "MUST NOT HAVE SEX DURING THE DAY!!!" I said, "Where is it written?)
19. What method of birth control/family planning do you use?
(COMMENT: We do not recommend the coil or the IUD because it causes an abortion, and the coil can get dislocated or lost or cause bleeding or infection.)
20. How much would you say that you love your spouse?
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Do you, or have you used the withholding of sex to punish, manipulate or control your spouse?
(COMMENT: The Bible says that we must not do this. But many do.)
22. Are you in favour of female circumcision?
(COMMENT: Many, many people still are practicing FGM. It is still being widely done in Yoruba Land, and elsewhere in Nigeria and in Africa and in other countries. FGM is increasing in the United States and Europe, being spread by people who have practiced this horrible custom in their own countries.)
23. If you have daughters, have they been circumcised?
(COMMENT: In a city in southwestern Nigeria, among Spirit-filled people, the answer was that more than half had circumcised their daughters. At a marriage seminar in Ado- Iketi, also in southwestern Nigeria, ALL BUT ONE, had mutilated the genitals of, that is, had circumcised their baby girls!
24. Do you believe that the wife has to be submissive to her husband?
(COMMENT: See our book, The Sexual Ministry. Call 715-866-4060. She does not "have to be" submissive. She chooses to be submissive willingly, voluntarily, and NOT because the husband beats, browbeats, intimidates or forces her to be submissive. In Ephesians 5 where it commands the wife to "be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.", it commands BOTH of them to "be subject to one another in the fear of Christ." This means that there will be times when the husband will be subject to the wife, hopefully EVERY time she is right, EVERY time God is speaking to him through her!)
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If the wife is not submissive, should the husband beat her?
- (In many countries, a husband can beat his wife to death, and the consequences can be minimal.)
26. Do you believe that it is wrong to have sex during the menstrual period?
(COMMENT: This is an Old Testament law, like stoning your children if they do not behave. There is nothing in the New Testament about this, nor in medicine or science about this negatively. 1 Corinthians 7:1-7 does not say, "Do not defraud your husband OR your wife, EXCEPT WHEN SHE IS MENSTRUATING!" Most African couples refrain from having sex during menstruation AND when they are fertile, and consequently end up having sex 2 or 3 times a month, instead of 2 or 3 times a week.)
27. Would you be willing to change your ideas about sex or anything else, if God would ask you to change?
(COMMENT: While it is true that a zebra cannot change its stripes, people that are 'old wine skins', who'love the old wine', the 'old manna', who have 'hard hearts', or 'stiff necks', or who are fools, are NOT willing to change.)
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Do you believe that you need or would like to receive counseling in these areas?
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Do you have any questions about sex or marriage? What are they?
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Do you think about having sex with anyone other than your spouse? It is possible, and necessary to keep your thought life pure.
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Do you have any bitterness or resentment toward your spouse?
Col 3:19 says, "Husband, love your wife, and be not bitter against her." This is God's Own command!
A Nigerian pastor asked me, "Did any women told you that she regretted of her circumcision?"
(COMMENT: EVERY woman who becomes informed and educated, regrets her circumcision - EVERY WOMAN!!! This question is like asking some one who has had part of their tongue cut off if they regretted having their tongue cut off. It is like asking a man who has had his penis cut off if he regrets having had his penis cut off.)
The Nigerian pastor argued, "Did you know that divorce rate is much more in America than in Africa?"
(My answer to him was: Once again, your reasoning is faulty. Female circumcision has nothing to do with the divorce rate. Another time his reasoning was faulty was when he observed that, in spite of the fact that some women who had been circumcised were able to experience an orgasm, and some American white women who were not, meant that the white woman should be circumcised. This is like saying that here is a person who has had half his tongue cut off is able to taste sugar or salt, while a person whose food is taken in pill form does not, should have their tongue cut off. There are many reasons why a woman may not be able to experience an orgasm. Again, the more nerve endings removed, the less likely she will be to experience pleasure.
Some of the reasons may be:
The man may be stupid, uneducated, uncaring or inconsiderate about her pleasure or her clitoris.
The husband, may be inexperienced or unskilled.
He may orgasm too quickly and lose interest in his wife's pleasure.
The woman may not know about her clitoris, how to pleasure herself or how to tell the man how to pleasure her.
She may not receive adequate stimulation or foreplay during sex.
It is like telling the woman that if her back is not being scratched in the right place, to cut sections of her back away.
It is like telling a person who is swallowing grapes whole, and complaining that she is not enjoying the taste, that she should cut off her tongue!!!!!!!!!!)
The African pastor then asked, "What did the African women in the Western World told you about this subject?"
,(My answer was, "What did the African women in the Western World tell YOU about the subject? African women in the western world are resentful, enraged, bitter, sad, angry, disheartened, depressed, and in an uproar because of this damned, dirty, demonic, diabolical, devilish, dastardly, dangerous device!!!!!!!! There is much literature and material about this subject, if you want to research it. You might start by contacting the references at the end of my e-mail article on FGM, including the FGM network, on the internet.)
African pastor then said, "I don't think that the women in Africa will leave their husband because they are not enjoying their sex life."
(My response was: "Just because a woman has had her tongue or her teeth or her feet or her eyes removed does not mean that she is going to leave her husband. But let me ask you, will a man leave his wife just because he is not enjoying his sex life??? Many men do leave their wife if she is not giving him adequate pleasure. And many women who have been circumcised DO go up and down looking for another partner who can give them greater pleasure. Because of this, FGM actually often contributes to increased immorality, not diminishes it.")
The African pastor then said, "I am not saying that circumcision is better than noncircumcisised."
(My response was, "You have said so in the past. Have you changed your mind? I hope so, because female mutilation circumcision is stupid, dirty, dangerous, demonic, devilish, dastardly, cruel, ignorant, counterproductive and stupid.")
Then the pastor asked, "What did your wife and childred say about this topic?"
(My answer was: "My wife and children and every other civilized and straight thinking, decent, informed person will be unspeakably horrified and sickened at the idea of a woman's genitals being cut off, in the same way that we would adopt a custom of cutting off people's tongues so they will not eat so much.)
The question is often asked as to what kind of response the Africans have to this teaching against female circumcision. Here is my response: (COMMENT: Almost, everywhere I teach in Africa about this subject, 50 to 100 % of the people believe in female genital mutilation, before I teach. When I am finished teaching, no one, not even 1 % believe in female circumcision any more. Many of them, men and women, are repenting, remorseful, regretful, sad, mournful and sorry that they allowed this damned and stupid practice to take place.)